Hot Pink Aboliže

46 d100 Magic Prosthetics


This is a repost from two blogs and four years ago, when I set up my first rpg blog: Cauldrons and Clerics. I thought it would be funny to talk about cooking and religion and rpgs together. It turned out, no, I ended up changing my mind soon enough. But some of the posts are pretty cool, so I’ll consolidate ’em.

Time to Travel Back in Time!

I love PCs who suffer through all the indignities the dice and the players heap on them, heroes who stick their hands into odd cavities in the wall groping for gold, heroes that walk into a gelatinous cube, heroes blinded by powerful magics, and so forth and so forth. However, in the traditional game, the only two items for handicapped heroes are the Eye and Hand of Vecna, both pretty much chaotic.

I started this as a [crowdsourced] thread on G+, but I guess I don’t have enough of a network yet, so at this point I can only thank Gil Hayes and Courtney Campbell for their inputs. [goes to show, four years ago I didn’t do much art yet, either]

I hope this list of “fun” and “entertaining” items makes it easier for DMs to levy the penultimate bodily sacrifice on their PC murderhobos and I would be glad to hear of anybody’s experiences with them in game. I’ve tried to make the items pretty much system neutral and usable in any more-or-less D&D game that is not too obsessed with game balance and other similar silly conceits.

Without further ado, get your d100 on …

  1. the Hollow Finger of Safnut – a needle tipped finger prosthesis that can be filled with venom … or even a healing potion, I guess.
  2. the Tin Ear of Hearing – a horn shaped item that can replace an ear, though it may look strange, it actually allows it’s wearer to hear through doors slightly better (+2).
  3. the Red Hand of Baaz – a hand forged and fired of red clay, it fuses with the bearer’s stump and while reducing dexterity somewhat, it does provide immense strength and can be used as a club in its own right.
  4. the Silver Tongue of Melliflor – a magical tongue forged of a bound quicksilver elemental, it gives its owner preternatural oral dexterity as well as a mellifluous tone of voice (+1 charisma checks). A dispel magic spell cast upon the owner has a chance of melting the tongue and may poison the owner with quicksilver.
  5. the Iron Skull of Zog – replacing a crushed skull, the iron skull of Zog protects the puny human brain from damage (reducing damage from critical hits) and increasing intelligence, though at the cost of becoming less human (reduces wisdom) and charismatic.
  6. the Dentures of Despair – forged from the teeth of werewolves, these snarling teeth meld into the mouth of their owner granting regenerative abilities when fresh, raw flesh is eaten.
  7. the Steel Teeth of Bondage – crafted from a fallen star, so say some sages, these metal chompers screw deep into the owner’s gums and besides providing a serious bite attack (1d4) also increase the potency of earth and metal related spells (up to DM how exactly).
  8. the Cork Foot of Samaranth – of finely wrought cork, while very vulnerable to fire and slashing damage, this enchanted foot is also linked to the elemental plains of air and water, granting feather fall once per day and allowing it’s owner to swim at base speed.
  9. the Skull Heart – crafted from the brainpan of the skull of the lich Azhgodda the Grim, this horrific item latches onto exposed arteries and veins. It can even bring the dead to life! Once inside the body of its owner, it grants protection from necrotic spells, though some owners have claimed to find themselves occasionally hearing wicked voices and feeling an urge to perform foul deeds.
  10. the Hook of Horrors – a blasphemously thorned hook of black metal that affixes to a stump, whispers say that the hook can rend the very fabric of reality, summoning powerful illusory horrors to plague the enemies of the bearer.
  11. the Eye of Amber – an eyeball carved of amber, it is said to grant the wearer the power to see and walk through flames unscathed.
  12. the Phallus of the Salubrious Deity – ensorcelled, carved and runed of the heartwood of the ebon tree, it is said to improve the stamina and constitution of its bearer as well as providing great skill in the marital arts. Alas, sterility tends to befall the bearer of the phallus.
  13. the Blue Hand of Ashtoth – a dead, cold, frozen hand, the last remnant of the demigod Ashtoth, it is reputed to have the power to bring ashes back to life temporarily and kindle long dead flames, showing visions of a past that is forever gone. Bearers have been said to sooner or later succumb to a vast melancholy and expire bitter and alone.
  14. the Leg of Silver – a shimmering leg, reputed to be cut from the body of one of the Angelic Protectors of the Lord of Light, it grants increased armour and stamina (+1 AC and +2 Con) to the wearer, but makes swimming very difficult (-5 to swimming).
  15. the Brazen Organ of the Dwarves – a strange flowing, shifting organ that can replace the function of liver, kidneys, pancreas and bladder. The bearer of the organ gains great poison and alcohol resistance, though some bearers have been accused of unusual amounts of voluble flatulence, which may make sneaking difficult.
  16. the Diamond Eye of Death – a glittering gem that grants its wearer the ability to see dead people (and invisible ghosts) as well as, once per day, to assume a “gentle repose” while remaining aware of his surroundings (a useful ability, when you have a glinting diamond stuck in your apparently-dead skull)
  17. the Tanned Skin of the Tsyogguyagh – made from the foreskin of the dead demon lord of the Forest of Flaming Fools and master of the Legion of the Raving Damned, this circle of parchment set in a golden circlet will expand to cover all of the recipient’s damaged skin. The new skin is hard, leathery, flickering between red and black and grants a +1 bonus to AC (or +2 AC if the entire body is covered in demonic skin). It also slowly but surely makes the recipient chaotic. There is a small chance each year that someone wearing the skin of Tsyogguyagh actually turns into a reincarnation of that demon.
  18. the Arm of Blades – a horrific amalgam of coppery thews and razor tipped bone blades, torn from some unknown demon corrupted beast, this arm provides a vicious unarmed attack (1d8) and great strength (+2), but decreases the wearer’s dexterity and wisdom, occasionally drawing them into a berserk bloodlust.
  19. the Blue Eye of Endless Skies and Hope – a gorgeous, deep blue gem that fills the bearer with hope in the goodness of the world, providing a bonus to saving throws against spells and chaos. Additionally, once per day, the wearer can look into the soul of a creature and speak to their hopes and dreams, granting a +3 bonus to reaction rolls.
  20. The Golden Hand. When found appears as a fist made of Gold but when held to the stump of a wrist it attaches and magically functions as a normal hand except All actions performed using this hand are +1. (Gil Hayes)
  21. the Hollow Boots of Laelapith – when found these striking scarlet leather thigh boots with brass and silver thread piping and gleaming jade spurs seem perfectly ordinary, if a mite tacky. However, when worn, the wearer’s legs will slowly dissolve until the boots merge with his body. The process is excruciating and lasts 1d4 days and permanently reduces total hit points by 1d6. The boots will also attach to the flesh of one who’s own legs have already been amputated, in this case there is no pain or hit point loss. Once worn, the hollow boots grant the wearer boundless endurance for walking or running (no fatigue) as well as incredible strength when jumping (+4).
  22. the Hand of the Eye of the Cackling Horde – a seven-fingered hand of brass, silver and malachite, this eerie artefact attaches with tubing and pins to a stump of a wrist and provides the wearer with unusual dexterity (+1). In the palm of the hand is a malevolent red and gold eye, through which the wearer can also look. The eye may be cast the evil eye (curse) once per day.
  23. the Arm of Bone – crafted by the Order of Helpful Necromancers, this bone arm may be grafted to an exposed bone stump with a simple mending spell, thereafter the arm and hand provides almost full functionality to the user. A sense of touch, pain or heat is obviously absent. Some bone arms are said to increase vulnerability to necrotic magic, while others increase resistance (50%/50%).
  24. the Ivory Nose – a gleaming, polished nose, hooked like the beak of a bird of prey, this magical nose sharpens the sense of smell of the wearer, granting a +3 bonus where applicable.
  25. the Painted Porcelain Mask – when placed upon a face, this mask melts into the very bone, giving a smooth, flawless face and features, moving eyelids and somewhat mobile lips. The wearer of the face can change the colour and decoration of the face at will.
  26. the Stomach of Steel – an elemental furnace covered in etched runes, this magnificent item requires the casting of a heal and restoration spell to implant in a character’s body. Thereafter the character is immune to ingested poisons and can derive sustenance from any organic substance. A rare few (10%) stomachs of this sort allow the ingestion of inorganic substances as well, while some are rumoured to come with an additional mouth, which may be implanted in the stomach of the recipient.
  27. the Hooves of the Black Satyr – though they may look at first glance like rumpled barbarian footwear, these are actually the magically treated feet of the infamous fae black satyr of the Cornelian woods. Placed upon the stumps of legs or feet, they will grow into goat’s hooves, restoring mobility and providing incredible balance on rough and rocky surfaces (+3 bonus to keep balance).
  28. the Paper Brain of Panthello – a ridiculously intricate scroll scribed simultaneously on seventeen planes by fourty-nine paratemporal incarnations of the mage Panthello, this scroll can restore the intellect of one who’s mind (intelligence) has been destroyed or drained. However, the process is not perfect and there a good chance that the recipient will lose some of his humanity, losing 1d4-2 Wisdom and Charisma.
  29. the Leg of Stone and Bone – crafted of the bones of a great runner and the living stones of the elemental plane of Earth, wrested from the marrow of the son of the elemental lord Skaalthek, this leg can replace a lost limb. It restores full functionality and imparts some of the strength of the earth, granting a permanent bonus of 1d4 hit points. However, the recipient of the limb loses his strength when not in touch with the earth, either on water or in the air, suffering a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity as a result.
  30. the Crimson Eye of Kings – a glittering eye stolen from the face of the Demon Prince Chursth himself, this chaotic eye increases the casting level of the wearer by 1, changes his alignment to Chaotic and grants a 1d4 bonus to Charisma. If the wearer is not a spell caster, he gains the ability to cast a single spell as a first level caster. The wearer may also become plagued by the minions of Chursth, seeking their master’s eye.
  31. the Limbs of the Flesh Golem – stitched from corpses, wired with electrum and platinum, powered by the temporal lightning storms of the Chaos voids, this full set of arms and legs was an attempt by the Stone Wizard of Firyan to make a warrior of his crippled son. The limbs granted great strength indeed (+2 Strength), but they also clouded his mind (-1 Wisdom) and in battle a bloodlust would descend upon his son each time, requiring a save to stop fighting (a save may be made each round, if there are no foes left, the wearer of the limbs attacks his nearest ally or neutral party).
  32. the Oaken Spine – a spine carved from the heart of a sapient oak, it sinks into the flesh of the recipient, replacing the original organ and restoring mobility. The recipient gains 1 Constitution but loses 1 Dexterity. Some (37%) of oaken spines allow the casting of bark skin once per day.
  33. the Crawling Chair of Kuyothyo – a magnificently weird and tormented construct of wood, bone, sinew and coiling brazen tubes, animated as a golem would be by a bound elemental. The chair of Kuyothyo holds its occupant safely fixed from the waist down and provides mobility with its six crab-like legs. The occupant gains +2 AC while in the chair and a trample attack that does 1d8 damage, however, climbing and swimming in the chair is quite impossible.
  34. the Centaur of the Steam Lord – resembling the headless body of a horse fashioned of malachite and lapis, with muscles of straining cyan flesh and bones of an odd azure metal, this magical construct bonds to the lower body of a recipient, effectively turning him into a kind of magical centaur. The character becomes large, gains 10 hp while in the body and a +1 to AC. However, dungeon crawling may become more difficult.
  35. the Leg of Peg the Pirate Gnome – at first it may seem to be a simple peg leg of polished cherry wood with electrum banding, but it’s cunning gnomic manufacture conceals a functioning knee joint, providing full mobility, a spring activated blade in the foot and a small crossbow above the knee, as well as a small chamber for concealing valuables.
  36. the Mandible of the Metal Warrior – a large mandible of burnished steel traced with red copper scroll-work, it repairs a broken jaw and grants the wearer a fearsome shout that sets enemies quaking in their britches (once a day, shout of fear).
  37. the Hand of Knives – a mechanical hand of glass and brass, with steel switchblades in every finger, it grants an unarmed attack dealing 1d6 damage.
  38. the Glass Foot of the Dancing Jester – a glass foot of shimmering rainbow colours that melds seamlessly into the stump of a leg, granting full mobility and great skill at dancing and tumbling (+4).
  39. the Egg of Malvox the Tentacular – not so much a prosthesis as potentially an additional limb, implanted into the flesh, the egg grows into a semi-sentient prehensile tentacle, which may in a pinch double as a replacement hand. It shifts the bearer’s alignment to Chaotic and may in theory provide a third weapon attack after some practice. The tentacle can only be removed with bloody butchery and restoration magics, even then there is a chance of Constitution loss (save or lose 1 point).
  40. the Sword Arm of Ariog – an arm of mauve flesh and damascened steel ending in a short but wickedly sharp runed blade strong enough to cut through bronze or iron, it welds itself to the recipient when placed to a stump. The sword deals 1d6 points of damage and ignores damage reduction. Over a matter of days (2d4) the recipient also becomes fully proficient in the weapon, if the recipient was already proficient in short swords, he gains a +1 bonus to hit with such weapons.
  41. the Gun Stump of the Clockwork Clan – a functional peg leg that allows more or less normal mobility (though it does impair dexterity, -1), this brass foot can also fire lead or silver projectiles as from a shotgun or blunderbuss at nearby enemies. It deals 1d10 damage and when shooting the owner of the gun cannot move (it is a full round action). When depleted, the magical gun creates its own ammunition at the rate of 1d3 bullets per day. It can hold up to 8 bullets.
  42. the Dark Glasses of Sahrut – a pair of silver rimmed pitch black crystal glasses, they grant infravision to any blind person setting them on their nose. Any character with functioning eyes wearing the glasses must save or have his eyes burned out of his skull by the magic of the dark glasses.
  43. the Copper Lung of Chnathnoth – a complex copper apparatus interwoven with glass tubes filled with something much like blood, the apparatus is activated with a sequence of buttons and when placed on the chest of a victim (or recipient) it burrows into his chest. There is a chance that this procedure kills the recipient (save or die), however, when successfully implanted the copper lung allows the recipient to breath water as well as very thin air, it also provides great resistance to air borne pathogens and toxins (+5 to save).
  44. the Spores of Neukrath the Arboreal – brilliant pink spores in a crystal box chased with hypnogogic runes, the spores can restore mobility to a paralyzed creature. However, there is a chance that they will continue the transformation of the subject as planned by Neukrath. Each month the inhaler of the spores must save or gain 1 Dexterity and lose 1 Intelligence and Wisdom. Eventually, the spore infected individual becomes a vastly fast and deadly automaton controlled by its caster. A shame that Neukrath is long dead, which means that the individual becomes effectively an unwilled biological monstrosity, driven by base impulses of hunger and need. The transformation can be halted by the regular weekly application of delay or neutralize poison spells.
  45. the Ceramic Chest of Thoos – what at first appears to be a simple cuirass is in fact an incredibly powerful automatic healing suit, which can restore a dead creature to life and keep it alive. The ceramic chest sends out feelers of glistening metal tubing, which intertwine with the recipients own body. Ceramic platelets and wires spread under the skin, resulting in a body that is faster and stronger than before. Removal of the ceramic chest always results in the death of the recipient and the character can thereafter only wear customized armour, due to his altered body shape. The ceramic chest grants +4 AC, +1 Strength and Dexterity. However, the wearer also becomes very vulnerable to electric spells and effects, always taking double damage from that source.
  46. the Feet of Clay – a set of clay feet, which attach to the leg stumps, providing immense stability (+4 to saves against being knocked down) as well as the ability to walk on mud or quicksand without sinking in.
  47. the Third Eye of the Weeping Wasp – a black multi-faceted gem that implants itself into a character’s forehead, allowing sight into the astral plane, an immunity to most illusions and increases the potency of mind-affecting spells (+1 caster level). Blind characters also regain a semblance of their former sight, though faceted as with an insect (requiring 1d4 days to adjust to it). However, the alien nature of the eye also reduces the character’s constitution by 1 and the skin around the eye is thereafter constantly beaded with a cold sweat.
  48. the Lithe Legs of the Leaping Leopard – a set of legs in light metal and cords of artificial flesh sheathed in leopard print synthetic furs, these legs restore mobility and actually increase running speed.
  49. the Circlet of the Phantom Limb – a magical circlet of interwoven red and yellow gold studded with amethysts and emeralds (garish!), it sinks into the skull of the wearer and allows them to project an ectoplasmic limb in place of the missing one. While the wearer is conscious, he has full use of that limb as well as the ability to attack as with a chilling grasp with that limb. However, after being unconscious or asleep, it takes 1d4 rounds for the wearer to reform his ectoplasmic limb. Being knocked unconscious in battle is thus not fun anymore.
  50. Eyeballs of reversed vision: they go in your eyes, but you can only see what’s behind you. (Courtney Campbell)
  51. Hand of the nefarious. Replaces lost hand. Often causes you to hold your genitalia for comfort. +15% to any thief abilities using that hand. (Courtney Campbell)
  52. Pneumatic arm. Powered by coal. 18/00 strength (+3 to hit/+6 to damage) with that arm when fueled. (Courtney Campbell)
  53. Platinum skull of Peticartia: grants +3 intelligence and immortality. Skull replacement procedure is nearly always fatal. (Courtney Campbell)
  54. The Red Hand of the White Cross – an artificial seventeen-fingered hand of steel and red enamel, with multiple specialized fingers, including blades, corkscrews, clippers, pliers, saws, bottle openers, toothpicks, needles and much more. Not that great for combat (-1 to attacks), but incredibly handy in most other situations (up to +20% bonus to thief skills, disable traps, pick locks, open tins …).
  55. Hand of the lithographer: brass hand with golden inlay, each finger is a brush pen. Can copy manuscripts in 1/10 the normal time all hands writing at once. Can write multiple different threads at once. Can copy art nearly flawlessly. Spells take up half space in spell books. Effecency reduces spell preparation time by 25%. Double efficacy forgery skill. (Courtney Campbell)
  56. the Hand of the Piper of the Gates of Doom – a hand of some odd, smooth and oily metal, it resembles at first glance a simple and functional bronze hand. However, on command, the fingers split into up to sixty-five individual, extendable appendages, which allow one to play keyboard and reed instruments with astonishing accuracy and precision. Gain a +5 bonus to musical skills and allows the owner to cast Charm Person as a caster of his level with any sufficiently complex instrument.
  57. The Steel toe of Vorki the ogre. Vibrates when near hollow spaces. Slowly causes bloodlust and weight/height gain among people who use it. (+3 lb. a week, +1″ month) (Courtney Campbell)
  58. the Crystal Tooth of the Fae King – a tooth of pure crystal, glowing with an eerie greenish light, this single tooth grows and expands in the mouth of the individual, restoring all teeth lost to age, disease or trauma. It allows the bearer to fade from the consciousness of other beings twice a day, giving a +10 bonus to hiding and sneaking attempts.
  59. The lips of Gorvandi Oniova – Adds a bonus to bluffs and lies, even against magical effects, but you must make a will save around members of the opposite sex with a charisma of greater than 13 to avoid attempting to seduce them. (Courtney Campbell)
  60. the Glimmering Heel of Antikeles – a heel of purest gold inlaid with seven gems of seven colours, the heel is completely immune to any damage or physical effects whatsoever. Unfortunately, it has no other special abilities.
  61. The Kneecap of the Elder – Replaces a smashed knee. Has only two benefits. If you lose your lower leg also, anything can be attached to the stump. And it hurts like hell when it’s going to rain. (Courtney Campbell)
  62. The Coccyx of the Colourful Cobra – replaces a lost coccyx and repairs all damage to the the glutes. Over a period of 1d6 days the recipient begins to feel strong and healthy, permanently gaining 1d8 hp and +1 Strength. Over the next 3d6 days a large cobra tail begins growing from the recipients posterior, eventually terminating in a rattle, which can be used to create bardic music. Thereafter the recipient has to save against polymorph on every full moon or his legs wither and drop off, leaving him with the lower body of a colourful cobra.
  63. The Bellybutton of Fashim – Gaze into it for 10 minutes and receive the benefit of either augury or clairvoyance. Causes opium addiction. (Courtney Campbell)
  64. The Clockwork Eye of the Seer – the eye permanently sees slightly into the future. For the first 1d8 days after implantation, the recipient is horribly disoriented. Thereafter he gains a +1 bonus to initiative, AC and attacks. The character also becomes a sardonic, snooty wise-ass, unless he manages a save vs. spell.
  65. the Bladed Shoulder Blades of Bandai ipn Ukrai – two linked, rainbow coloured metallic shoulder blades, which burrowsinto the back of a recipient, restoring full use of an arm, potentially regrowing an entire limb, though the skin is then covered with tiny twinkling metallic gems in many colours. On command, the recipient can suddenly grow two fans of blades out of his back, which allow the character to glide as if under a featherfall spell. Summoning the blades causes 1d8 damage to the character and 2d8 damage to all creatures standing behind the character.
  66. the Accursed Finger of Sadim the Avaricious – a tarnished silver finger, it restores full function to a lost digit. Additionally, once per day the digit transmutes 1d6 pounds of organic matter touched into tin (10%), copper (30%), silver (40%), electrum (10%) or gold (10%) (determine material randomly). If the bearer of the finger does not transmute something by choice, then a random organic object touched by the bearer of the finger is transmuted. If a glove is worn to prevent this curse, it is transmuted along with 1d6-1 pounds of the bearer’s own arm. Every day that the bearer does not transmute something, there is a 13% chance that he will in his forgetfulness scratch his nose or ears and transmute his own head, killing himself instantly.
  67. the Three Feet of Babu Yagu – chicken like feet, if even one foot is attached to a stump, the character undergoes a 3 week long transformation before eventually becoming a creature with three scaled and feathered bird like legs. The character’s speed and Dexterity are increased and they gain a fear attack.
  68. the Hollow Gauntlet of the Dark Night – a heavy metal gauntlet redolent with spikes and prone to oozing a dark, coppery ichor. Eventually dark veins grow from the gauntlet, linking it irrevocably to the wearer’s body and slowly shrivelling the hand inside (unless attached to a stump). The character’s arm grows much more powerful and almost invulnerable (cannot be severed). The character gains +1 AC and a +3 to hit and damage with single-handed blunt weapons wielded with that hand.
  69. the Toupee of Terror – covering your bald spot has never been easier! This magical toupee bonds permanently with the scalp and on command (and on full moons) the character’s hair turns into writhing, life-leeching tentacles (once per day, save or lose one level, counts as a touch attack. Automatic against helpless enemies).
  70. the Wig of Warmth – a massive, gorgeous, lush, lustrous mane of hair (think 1980s glam metal …), it also heals all scalp irritations, removes dandruff, provides +1 to saves vs. poison and on command the mane grows and expands to such a degree that the wearer can wrap himself in his own hair and remain warm even in freezing conditions. The lustrous mane never becomes greasy or dirty. The character may become more susceptible to fire attacks, however …
  71. the Left Hand of Darkness – a withered hand that restores some functionality to an amputated limb and gives the wearer the ability to cast light and summon small flames at will.
  72. the Wheelchair of the Barbarian Lord Kronkur – crafted by the semi-divine clocksmith of the dwarves, Urbust the Grim and enchanted with an entrapped iron golem, the wheelchair offered Kronkur a way to stay active and mobile on a battlefield even after he lost both legs and three feet of his intestines to the Vile Beast of Thunyakkyi. Essentially, it is a personal powered mobile battle wagon with blade attachments, small imp-powered brass band with amplifiers and space to store up to fifteen gallons of wine and one roast hog. The occupant of the wheelchair can move as fast as a horse (though with greater penalties in rough terrain) and can use the mounted blades to carry out a drive-by-cutting-attack dealing 1d12 damage.
  73. the Tensorial Harness of the Floating Cultist – an ornate belt of silver, amethysts and lapiz with waving, frond-copper wires that snake to embrace the entire body of the wearer. The harness suspends the wearer between 2 inches and 2 feet off the ground and lets him levitate as though affected by a personal Floating Lenticular Object Spell of the Tense Wizard. Developed by the obscenely fat and gout ridden Grand High Cultmaster of the Sharkonian Faith. Some models also come with advanced Falling Feather Shock Damper spells, which prevent the wearer hurting himself if pushed off a cliff or thrown into a wall.
  74. the Hands of Demons and Wizards – a pair of hands, one of crimson metal and silver cords, the other silver scaled with crimson silk bands. One hand grants a +2 bonus to all d20 rolls against demons, the other hand grants +2 caster levels whenever the bearer attempts any demon-related magic (summoning, binding, dismissal, etc.). If both hands are worn the caster gains +2 Intelligence and Wisdom and may, once per day, summon a demon mount.
  75. the Ears of the Heart – a pair of gleaming golden ears festooned with emeralds and rubies, the ears restore hearing as well as allowing the bearer to detect lies and listen to the hearts of those he speaks with, being able to discern their deepest desire in their voices after 1d8 rounds of talking with them.
  76. the Cat’s Feet – a pair of large, leonine feet. When attached to foot stumps, they grow and meld into the recipient’s flesh, increasing height (1”) and speed (+3’) as well as allowing the wearer to pad along silently as a large, flesh-hungry cat (+4 to stealth).
  77. the Face of Fear – a mask of burned wood and tangled metal thorns, it restores vision, hearing and speech to someone with terrible facial injuries. However, the recipient forever after sounds like an asthmatic and can project a cone of fear thrice a day.
  78. the Feasting Hand of Monoth – the hand of Monoth is a tangled, six-fingered creation of flesh and gleaming copper. In the middle of the palm is a hungering maw. When the hand is sated, the recipient gains +2 Constitution, however, each day that the hand does not feed on still-living flesh, the recipient loses 1 pt of Constitution to a minimum of -5. When the hand of Monoth is very hungry (i.e. at -5 Con) it continually moans and gibbers, slavering for more flesh to slake its unholy hunger.
  79. the Iron Boot of the Lawful Tyrant – a hollow iron boot that can replace a missing foot. The boot clangs and rattles menacingly, making stealth very difficult (-3 to sneaking around). The bearer of the boot becomes Lawful and unyielding, gaining a +5 bonus to saves vs. fear and morale checks. Furthermore, whenever the wearer of the boot executes a law-breaker, he gains 5 temporary hit points for 12 hours as the power of the Lords of Law flows through him.
  80. the Wooden Foot of the Woods – at first glance it seems a simple wooden foot, however, on command the foot rapidly grows into a mighty oak encompassing the wearer and allowing him to effectively stay rooted and living slowly as an oak for as long as he wishes. Obviously, this presents camouflage opportunities in woodlands.
  81. the Wholesome Hand of Aghasthes – the relic of an ancient healer, this mummified hand is bone-white and festooned with golden and crimson rings. Whoever bears this hand becomes Lawful and gains the power to lay on hands, healing his level (or Wisdom, whichever is higher) hitpoints per day simply by touching a creature. Furthermore, thrice per day the bearer may heal a leper, a withered limb, blindness, deafness or a chronic disease. Once a week the bearer may cure an addiction or a communicable disease. Once a month and a day the bearer may restore life to someone newly slain.
  82. the Angelic Skin of the Dancer of Desires – a Chaotic relic formed by the demon-possessed sorcerer-king Nurakotchka of Turalia from the flawless skin of the semi-divine Ilyana sent from the heavens above to turn him from Chaos. The skin drapes itself over a recipient’s own skin, restoring a semblance of youth, vigour, health and vitality. The skin grants a +4 bonus to Charisma, but the evil nature of its origin makes the wearer Chaotic and prone to bouts of sadistic violence. Save once per week or begin feeling the urge to, well, sadistically violate some innocent or other. Every day after failing the save, the character suffers a -1 penalty Wisdom, unless he performs some vile deed. When a character’s Wisdom reaches 3, he skulks off into the night, returning bloody and restored in the morning.
  83. the Hand of the Master of Puppets – a simple, articulated wooden hand, crafted of thirty-three different rare woods and inlaid with mother of pearl. This hand increases the caster level of all mind-affecting enchantments by 5 and allows the caster to cast charm person once per day as a 13th level caster.
  84. the Liver of the Bringer of Fire – a small piece of the holy liver. Swallowed by any character with internal injuries eventually grows and expands into a divine organ, which can (given time) replace the functions of liver, stomach and gut. The character becomes completely immune to alcohol, gains a +7 bonus to saves vs. poisons and a +1 bonus to saves vs. fire and the ability to regenerate 1 hit point per hour in addition to any normal healing. However, the character takes double damage from all birds and avian creatures.
  85. the Green Thumb – a thumb carved of green wood, it melds seamlessly with the flesh of the recipient (it is also possible to end up with six fingers on a hand because of this). The thumb improves the gardening abilities of the recipient (+4) and allows the bearer of the thumb to remove blights and pests in a fifty foot radius once per day.
  86. the Helm of Life Returning – a heavy, permanently visored helm of black enamelled steel with golden filigree, when placed upon a headless body writhing black wisps of life-essence are drawn from the surrounding area, killing all plants within 10 feet and dealing 1d6 hp damage to living creatures in the same radius. The stolen life essence then binds the spirit of the deceased to the helm and the reanimated body, allowing the slain hero to “remain” on the material plane. The helm provides a +2 bonus to saving throws against necromantic magic and a +1 bonus to AC. However, if a severed head is not present, the reanimated character suffers a -2 Intelligence penalty. If the head is found later, it may be “ingested” by the helm through the visor (this may involve prior crushing and mixing into a paste, to allow access through the narrow visor slit).
  87. the Troll-blood Arm – a greenish limb studded with metal tubing and canisters, infused with trollish blood, which allows it to attach to a limb stump. The limb increases the strength of the recipient (+1 Strength) and increases the speed of healing (+1d8 hp healed per day), however, it also conveys greater vulnerability to fire and acid.
  88. the Yellow Emerald Eye of Fire – an eye that restores vision to the blind, albeit with a yellow tint. Additionally, the bearer of the eye may roll a missile attack each round with a magical missile that deals 1d4 + Wisdom modifier damage.
  89. the Heart of Stone – a stone heart of pure jaspis studded with rubies, when inserted into the chest cavity of a dead body (or someone with a failing heart) it restores that body to full functionality. The heart of stone makes its bearer more level-headed and unflappable, giving a +3 to stability checks and a +1 to missile attacks, however, the cold grimness of the bearer makes him less charismatic (-1 Charisma).
  90. the Golden Body of Saint Porphyrophagus – what at first glance appears to be simply a golden golem turns out on closer inspection to be a full-body prosthesis. A fresh brain inserted into the chest of the body is bathed in soothing healing and sleep magics before being skewered by seventeen thousand time seventeen thousand golden needles, connecting it fully to the body. There is a 20% chance that this procedure drives the brain completely insane. Thereafter the brain has a new body, which functions like a normal human body, save that it is faster, stronger, more resilient and more dextrous (+2 Strength, Constitution, Dexterity and AC). Also, it’s shiny and seems to be made of gold.
  91. the Many-Chambered Limbs of Thringol Bottomless – a simple prosthesis of wood and porcelain, lightly enchanted to provide full mobility, the prosthesis actually hides several small pouches of holding. A hand can hold up to 55 pounds in its pouch, an arm up to 300 pounds in three separate pouches, while a leg can hold up to 666 pounds in six pouches (though two are very hard to reach).
  92. the Leaking Eye of Naag Foeg Doggum – an ever-tearing orb of pale blue stone, whoever bears it suffers constantly the pain of seeing everything as it truly is, imposing a penalty of -1 to all d20 rolls. However, the bearer of the Eye is affected by a constant true-seeing spell and can see into the infrared and ultraviolet spectrums, as well as a short distance into the past.
  93. the Throat of Gold – a golden flute-shaped object that, when inserted into the mouth, flows to replace the throat, oesophagus and voice-box of the individual, granting a magical vocal range and protection against fine particulates. The bearer of the throat of gold gains +2 Charisma and a +4 bonus to singing.
  94. the Missing Rib of the First Man – a simple ivory rib that, when stabbed into a man’s body flows back to its “original” position, restoring the man to the supposed “perfection” of the hermaphroditic totality before the fall from grace and the expulsion from the original world-garden. The hermaphroditic bearer of the rib is capable of parthenogenesis and gains a +1 bonus to all ability scores due to his alien “perfection”. The rib also restores all broken, degenerated or missing limbs to the original seven-toed and seven-fingered ideal (the easier to count days of the week with).
  95. the Living Beard of the Diamond Dwarf – a prosthesis for those poor dwarves who have lost their beards, it restores manhood and virility to the dwarf, grants a +1 bonus to AC and imparts mystical senses that detect all gold within 2 feet and grant a +6 bonus to brewing beer.
  96. the Prosthetic Fangs of Niljhus Tabr – a pair of prosthetic fangs suitable for vampiric creatures who have been assaulted by do-gooding mobs and had their teeth pulled. The teeth restore blood drinking abilities. If implanted in a non-vampiric creature, the fangs make it Chaotic and allow it to drink blood in order to restore ability damage, drained levels and cure minor communicable diseases. Blood may only be drunk from a helpless creature, not in combat.
  97. the Para-Phylactery of Psoedognostes – an obsidian dagger with a golden hilt, studded with five rubies and with a howling diamond embedded in its core, the para-phylactery grants almost-lichly survivability to a mortal. By plunging the obsidian dagger into one’s heart, the bearer links his life essence with it and gains 1 bonus spell slot of any level he likes. Thereafter, if he is ever slain, he may be returned to life if the dagger is used to kill another living creature, transferring its health (as well as all medical and magical conditions) to the original body. After the dagger is ritually embedded in a recipient’s heart it cannot be removed without killing him.
  98. the Back of the Fallen Angel – a charred metallic backbone with waving silvery fronds, it can restore mobility to a fully paralyzed recipient. The process is slow and excruciating, as it grows into the recipient over 1d7 days and a Wisdom check is required or the recipient goes insane (87%) or is possessed by a daemonic alien intelligence (13%). If the ingrowth succeeds, the recipient gains damage reduction 5 against all non-holy physical weapons. Over a period of 1d3 weeks the bearer of the backbone sprouts beautiful black, feathered wings from his back, which allow him to fly like an avenging angel. The bearer of the back who also wields a hellsword gains a once-per-day level draining ability (on successful melee hit drains 1d4 hit dice), which restores his vitality (1d8 hp per hit die).
  99. the Two Hands of the Metal God – two finely crafted hands, one of polished steel, the other of burnished bronze. The steel hand grants a +1 bonus to hit with melee weapons, the bronze hand grants +1 fire damage with melee weapons. Any bearer who possesses both hands gets a +6.66 bonus to playing the bass, guitar and drums.
  100. the Feet of the Gentle Halfling – a pair of wooden feet, slightly covered with moss, which turn into real Halfling feet, sized to fit, when attached to the stumps of a recipient. The proud new owner of the new feet no longer needs to wear shoes, has fine fur on his feet, gains a +2 bonus to sneaking around quietly and a +1 bonus with thrown weapons.

Ninety-nine is, of course, the best item.

Bonus items from the featured image

  1. the Scalp of the Eater of Minds — a grotesque, flower-tattooed scalp. It opens into a grinning maw that grants a bite attack dealing 1d6 damage. Against a restrained enemy, it can be used to extract their brain (1d6 damage and Con save DC 15 or their brain is ripped out).
  2. Tentacular Tail — a prehensile, cephalopodinous tail. It can grip stuff. It attaches to the base of the spinal column and looks totally rocking.
  3. Cephalopod Skin Grafts — little pearls of synthetic skin that can heal harsh burns or wounds, but has a tendency to sprout into useful if grotesque tentacles. Shaving the tentacles can be painful (1d4 hp damage per tentacle removed).