That picture? It’s one of the maps for the Ultraviolet Grasslands, a fun long-distance expedition adventure I’m making over on Patreon.
This is Part 0.5 of 8 of the first WTF Expedition RPG Pointcrawl. You can get the whole Part 1, v2, here. This is a teaser for the full Patreon-supported series, which you are totally welcome to support (and follow).
The Graceful Cats of the Violet Citadel
“Soyez tranquil,” murmurs the dead-eyed lady in P.T.’s mind. Horned cats creep from hazy alleys and examine their baggage. The citadel looms, eerie and obnoxious, beyond the haze layer.
“I tell you, I heard Shulbo’s wizarding parasite give out it’s death screech last night. Five goats gave rancid milk this morning and the yak was found with a small tuberous growth in its ear. These are signs, the apostate wizard is dead. For five ivories I will give you this very authentic key to the dead wizard’s laundry rooms, whence you may easily ransack his apartments. Oh, I ask nothing in return.”
Books in the Wizard’s Lavatory Library
Tool Proficiency – Hammer and Chisel
Non-weapon Proficiency – Underground Free Stone Masonry
The Sword of Kings Speaks After You Grasp It
On the dull tidal beach the downed cathedral hunkers. Concrete, floatstone and jaspis sinking into the sand, but not yet. Not today.
- Metal-handed preacher stands on a midden and cries, “the end! the crystal ship! the fools!”
- Noodle seller with hooch on the side.
- Strawheads trading ivory and furs.
- Rusting metal gulls slowly winding down.
- Rat urchins attempt to rob you.
- Green monks, merchants, cog flower acolytes.
The squid parsnip shuddered as the impact shattered the dawn. The dungeon had irrupted into the life of the —valley.
Defeated, Pointyhelmet railed against the demimonde that misunderstood him so. Against the fool companions who had failed against Bigtroll Blaargh.
We never did figure out what the No-eyes wanted. They just stood there, glowing redly in the mossy shadows of the Sporenoon Times.
“Lo, ane the fyfe heads of the red-monkey creatures of the low Earth shall fly anon ‘pon the wings of teh frogophantine beast known as heedra and herald the calming of the trumpets of doon!” Apocrypha of Saint Catheribeth the Twice-Written, Syntholon 49,6:33,2:34,4
In the lychee jungles of Hy-Lomblay heroic hunters hasten hither and thither, battling the bark-skinned dandelion lychee-leeches whose succulent white-and-red-and-blue speckled flesh is a delicacy among the Socialite Vampires of the Upper Trader Philanthropist Caste.