44 WTF Heroes: Speed Freak

The speed freak’s mind is like a compass, stopping at nothing. He’s got fire in his pocket and he’s lit up like a rocket, veins ablaze with the scurrying, urging, demanding need for speed.
This is a fun, metal fighter built for speed and madness. 5E chassis, unbalancing engine, WTF randomization motor.


Hit Points: 10 + Con

Hit Dice: 1d10

Armor (roll d6):
1: light,
2: light and medium,
3: light and shields,
4: light, medium and shields,
5: shields only,
6: metal armors and shields only.

Weapons: All weapons with a single damage die (so no great swords, they deal 2d6).

Saving Throws (roll d6):
1–2: Str and Dex,
3: Dex and Con,
4: Dex and Int,
5: Dex and Wis,
6: Dex and Cha.

Skills: athletics, intimidation, musical instrument (guitar), two-wheeled vehicles
and (roll d10 twice): 1: acrobatics, 2: animal handling, 3: history, 4: insight, 5: perception, 6: druggist, 7: mechanic, 8: tinker, 9: carpenter, or 10: gambler.

Languages: whatever is the common sprachbund

– armor (roll d6): 1: mail shirt, 2: ring mail, 3: mail shirt and shield, 4: mirror-shiny round shield, 5: studded leather jacket, 6: speed metal armor.
– melee (roll d6): 1: three daggers, 2: a spear, 3: a metal quarterstaff, 4: two short swords, 5: three hand axes, 6: a battle axe.
– ranged (roll d6): 1: three daggers, 2: a spear, 3: a repeating crossbow, 4: two javelins, 5: a pistol wand, 6: a throwing sword
– roadie’s pack: pack of prophylactics, a wooden doll, sturdy leather gloves, rope, adhesive, some wire, bandages, a plectrum, a case of glass pipes.

Starting Gold: 20 gp + 2d6 x 10 gp

Feature 1: Background in logistics (roll d6):
1: slave rower
2: groom
3: carriage driver
4: courier
5: postman
6: roadie

Feature 2: Stretch it: Whenever the speed freak has to make a roll to squeeze out an extra mile from a tank of magi-gas, or get a broken-down nag to stumble just that little bit further than the hurleegeegers tracking the party, the speed freak gets advantage on that roll.

Feature 3: Fighting style (roll d6):
1: shooter (archery) (+2 to ranged attack rolls).
2: dodger (+1 to AC when wearing light or no armor).
3: duelist (+2 to damage when wielding a melee weapon in one hand and no other weapons or shields).
4: spear-fighter (+2 to hit with polearms).
5: dirty fighter (+1d6 sneak attack damage).
6: pistolero (+2 damage with pistols and/or wands).

Feature 4: Second wind: once per short rest the fighter can use a bonus action on their turn to regain 1d10 + fighter level hit points.

Feature 3: Surge: once per short rest, the speed freak can take an additional action in a round, on top of all other standard or bonus actions.


Roll d20 once per session (or four times per level). Anyway, four rolls is a level and vice versa. Strike out results once they are rolled.

  1. Gain Con hp (this can be negative)
  2. Gain 4 hp and +1d10 Hit Dice
  3. Gain 5 + Con hp and +1d10 Hit Dice
  4. Gain 5 + Con hp and +1d10 Hit Dice
  5. Gain 6 + Con hp and +1d10 Hit Dice
  6. Dashing Devil: the speed freak can use the Dash action as a bonus action.
  7. Silver Daggers: the speed freak has come across a stash of six silver daggers.
  8. Master of Metal: the speed freak can apply one more point of their Dexterity to their AC when wearing metal armor than normal.
  9. A little faster: the speed freak gains +1 Speed (+5’ speed increase) when wearing no armor or metal armor.
  10. Stock Blocker: the speed freak gains +1 AC when using a polearm.
  11. The Drop: the speed freak now has advantage to initiative rolls.
  12. Pistol Whipper: the speed freak can now use pistols or wands to deal 1d3 damage in melee combat.
  13. Death Shot: as a reaction, the speed freak can make one final attack on being dropped to 0 hp. The death shot is an automatic critical if it hits.
  14. Faster and Faster: when the speed freak rolls maximum damage on damage dice (e.g. 4 on a 1d4 or 12 on a 1d12), they get a free extra attack. The speed freak can get one extra attack per turn.
  15. Super Surge: the speed freak’s surge feature now lets them take two additional actions in a round, instead of one.
  16. Critical Stabber: the speed freak now scores critical hits with piercing weapons on rolls of 19 or 20.
  17. +1 to Dex.
  18. +1 to one stat.
  19. +1 proficiency bonus.
  20. Extra attack: the speed freak can attack twice, instead of once, whenever they take an attack action.

And some music to wrap up.